


the beautiful and the damned

by sensations



Series: ideas that won't leave my brain [1]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:42:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24305338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sensations/pseuds/sensations
Summary: Fall, Chicago, 1918.They walked in silence the rest of the way and it was truly dark by the time Bella reached her door. “Thank you, Edward. For walking me home.”“It was truly no problem. I was concerned when you were running late. To be honest, I look forward to seeing you. Knowing you got home safe will ease my mind for the rest of the night.”She bit at her lower lip and looked up at him through her lashes before deciding to be very unlike herself. She pulled herself onto her tiptoes and placed a kiss so gentle on his cheek that it was just a ghost of her lips. Before he could say anything, she slid herself in the house and closed the door.Once inside, she glanced out the curtains at his retreating form - his palm was still holding his cheek where she had placed her kiss.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Series: ideas that won't leave my brain [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976785
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	the beautiful and the damned

**Author's Note:**

> Title in reference to "The Beautiful and the Damned" by F. Scott Fitzgerald (1922)
> 
> This idea is something I've always wanted to read - I've waited fifteen years for someone to write it and I finally gave up and wrote it. So this is just for me. It's posted with no one looking over it and I'm sure riddled with mistakes. This lady likes to accidentally change tenses so please be gentle.
> 
> This is a one shot for now but I might expand it later!
> 
> I also tried my best with 1910s Chicago and the world at the time. Not sure of the canon but here, Edward Sr died in the first wave of the Spanish flu (spring 1918).

She could make out a lamb in the above clouds. She smiled slowly as she took in the delicate way the wisps of white made a shape for her to imagine floating by. She turned to her companion, mouth pulled wide now. “I see a lamb”.

Her companion just giggled, “Of course you do! They’re clouds! Have some imagination Bella!”

Bella rolled her eyes and pushed herself onto the forearms to get a better look at the red head beside her, “You try and do me one better, dear Abigail.”

Eager to prove Bella wrong she hurried and pointed, “Right there! It’s Lake Michigan!”

Bella erupted into girlish giggles and collapsed back in the long grass, a stray blade tickling her cheek. It was late Spring in Chicago so Union Park was crowded with people, some of who gave the two girls some looks when they shared a secret laugh on the lawn. That only made Abigail laugh more and she held onto her straw hat as the wind blew between them. Bella pushed her hair out of her face as the wind swept it in the way and momentarily locked eyes with someone across the way.

She quickly diverted and so did the eyes but it didn’t go unnoticed by Abigail who glanced over her shoulder. She faked a gasp, “I think a certain Mr. Masen is taken by your laugh.”

“Stop,” Bella quickly admonished with a blush. She wouldn’t admit it didn’t go unnoticed. She had been watching Edward Masen too. Her father had been sending her over to the Masen’s home every Wednesday with food for the past two months. Being the captain of the Chicago police, he felt it was necessary to send some condolences the Masen’s way after Edward Sr had passed from the flu. So every week like clockwork, Bella would show up and give them some sort of pastry or a loaf of bread that Edward would greet her for. Edward Sr had been a prominent part of the city and Mrs. Masen was taking the loss pretty hard so as Bella’s mother said “it was the least they could do”.

Bella agreed because she was fairly sure that every time she saw him, his pain looked less and less in those defining green eyes.

Abigail poked her in the ribs to pull her out of her daydream, “Let’s go! I’m tired of looking for the imaginary. Let’s go find us some soldiers to occupy our eyes!”

While Bella was still only 17, Abigail was newly 18 and dying to find a husband. Soldiers were still trickling back from war as new recruits were being sent out so they were fresh pickings in Abigail’s eyes. Bella let her friend grab her hand and pull her towards downtown.

* * *

By the time she got home, she was running late and the sun was already setting. Her mother gave her a wry look but said nothing. The bread for the Masen’s was already sitting out on the table. Bella gave her mother a kiss on the cheek, “Sorry, mama. Abigail was very preoccupied with an enlistee that we lost track of time.”

“What about you, Isabella? Anyone catch your eye?” Her mother was teasing but Bella still blushed silently.

Bella wrapped the loaf in a cloth to try and keep some of the heat in and tied the top. “I’ll deliver this first before I eat my dinner. I shouldn’t be too long!” 

Bella was out the door in a hurry, the Masen’s didn’t live too far away but far enough that she would be hungry by the time she got back. Walking the alleys through town didn’t bother her until the sun was nearly gone and was casting shadows all over. She quickened her step and arrived at the doorstep faster than she ever did before. She was at the top of the steps when the door opened suddenly, causing her to drop the bread onto the stoop.

“Oh! I’m so sorry! You startled me!”

Edward at least looked apologetic but Bella thought she noted some worry in his face as well. She grabbed the bread, holding it close to her chest now as her heartbeat quickened at the scare.

“No, I’m sorry. You’re later than normal.” He didn’t elaborate any further but Bella began to think maybe that _was_ worry in his face. She smiled slightly at the thought.

She felt the heat in her cheeks but held out the bread to him, which he softly took from her arms. “My mother sends her thoughts and also wishes for me to pass along once more that we would be happy to help in any way that you need.”

A light smile graced his face but didn’t quite reach his eyes, “Thank you.”

Bella could only hold his gaze for a moment more before she cast her eyes down to the ground. He always seem to see though her in a way she wasn’t sure of. Like he could see her soul.

She murmured a goodnight before she turned and stepped down the stairs once more.

She got to the last step before she heard some rustling followed by “Please, let me walk you home.”

He no longer had the bread but was shrugging on his jacket now. Bella shook her head, “No, it’s okay. I’m just down the street.”

His eyes narrowed slightly, “It’s twelve blocks and nearly dark. It’ll make me feel better to accompany you.”

She didn’t pause too long to think about the fact that he knew the exact distance between their houses but nodded her acceptance of his request. Pulling her jacket around herself tighter, she found her step beside him. She glanced at him in the last remaining light of dusk but had to look away quickly as his eyes found hers.

“How is your mother?” She found herself asking. She knew it was a silly question to ask but she wanted to fill the silence that had engulfed them in their first minutes of their walk.

He didn’t seem to mind as he answered, “She’s doing as well as expected. She tells me frequently that she is glad to have me around to distract her. Father was important to her yes, but he was also always working and away so often. I’ll be glad to be 18 and be able to support her. There isn’t much I can do now while in school but we’re managing.” 

“I am so very sorry, Edward.” 

He nods silently in acknowledgement. Bella is sure he’s heard it thousands of times in the past months but it feels especially important she say it out loud. They make it another couple blocks before he breaks the silence this time, “What plans do you have now that you’re done school?”

Her classes had just finished up this past week so she honestly had no clue how to answer that question. She barely even registered she would be 18 in a few months and would need to know the answer. “I haven’t given it much thought. I know I should but it’s so overwhelming to think of. If I had my way, I would be enlisted as a nurse already but my mother simply won’t hear it.”

He turned to her and smiled so brightly she wobbled slightly on her feet at the sight of it. He catches her before she can truly fall and tucks her hand in the crook of his arm without thinking. She clings a little tighter than strictly necessary but he doesn’t seem to mind. He looked down to her face and murmurs, “ I know the feeling. My mother isn’t thrilled with my ideas either.”

They walked in silence the rest of the way and it was truly dark by the time Bella reached her door. “Thank you, Edward. For walking me home.”

“It was truly no problem. I was concerned when you were running late. To be honest, I look forward to seeing you. Knowing you got home safe will ease my mind for the rest of the night.”

She bit at her lower lip and looked up at him through her lashes before deciding to be very unlike herself. She pulled herself onto her tiptoes and placed a kiss so gentle on his cheek that it was just a ghost of her lips. Before he could say anything, she slid herself in the house and closed the door. 

Once inside, she glanced out the curtains at his retreating form - his palm was still holding his cheek where she had placed her kiss.

* * *

Everything went quickly after that. Edward would call on Bella quite often and she would visit his house more often than just Wednesdays. They would accompany Abigail and her boy of the week to the theater. They were often found just talking at the park. Their lives were changing all around them. The world seemed to be at a precipice and they were caught in the middle of the traditional courtship rules and the ever changing society that allowed more freedom. They had been together nearly everyday for the past two months and couldn’t imagine that changing.

Bella found herself lying in the same grass lawn nearly three months later, but a very different companion was with her this time around. They shared a blanket and Edward had his fingers delicately woven through her own and was kissing each knuckle as she picked at the grass absentmindedly. It became so very normal to be like this. It didn’t take very long to have him with her in such a natural way, like he was made to be by her side. Her dear father couldn’t keep it a secret that Edward had already talked to him about her hand in marriage. Edward didn’t know that she was privy on that fact but it didn’t scare her. It just felt right. He was planning to enlist in the next year and she would want to make it official before he left anyhow. Mrs. Masen was less thrilled at the idea of him finding another to spend all of his time with but Bella tried her best to be mindful of spending time at his house often. She enjoyed helping his mother around the house while he played the piano nearby. They were falling into a peaceful pattern and it just felt so _right_.

She had her head on his thigh as he sat and glanced around at the bustle of a late August afternoon in the park, watching the way his eyes sparkled at the people around him. He must’ve felt her gaze because he glanced down at her with a smile, “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Just thinking.”

“Hmm.” He murmured, brushing his thumb over her cheek and brushing the hair off her face. “Did you make it down to the hospital yesterday after I left?”

“I wouldn’t call it a hospital, exactly. They made the old Franklin library into a ward for expected overflow. I met with the man running it and he said I could start Monday.” She couldn’t help the blush that graced her face at the mention of the man. 

Edward of course took notice and teased her with a soft growl, “Did you find him handsome?”

She pulled herself into a sit and shook her head with a laugh, “He was very charming. But nothing compared to you.” She added with a light kiss to his forehead. “Dr. Cullen seemed very eager to have the help. There aren’t many nurses, with them all caught up in the war. He is expecting things to get worse with all those young men coming home.”

* * *

Three weeks later, her words were a premonition. The makeshift hospital was overrun with cases. The ward housed 150 beds and nearly all were full; with only her, four other nurses, and Dr. Cullen as the line of defense.

Bella smiled wearily at Dr. Cullen before hiding the smile behind her mask as she walked in. She was worked 14 hours a day, every day - but somehow the handsome doctor was here even more than that. Bella thought he must sleep in a backroom and would routinely bring extra food to him to make sure he was eating. 

“Isabella, good morning.” He chose not to wear his mask so she got the full effect of his smile at the sight of her. “Vivian just left so it’s just you and me for a bit.”

Bella nodded. This was routine. So far, they were managing. People came in and within a few days, they had them back out. They mostly needed sleep and some medicine - and they were on their way so Bella would just keep them as comfortable as possible until then.

Wetting some towels, she placed them on her cart and started her first round of dozens she would complete today. She called the doctor over for a few discharges but when she got to a young soldier named William, she knew something was off. William had a sharp mouth and routinely cracked jokes at her and the other nurses but he was silent and stiff as a board as she approached. His breathing was labored and he had dark spots on his cheeks that Bella tried to wipe off, thinking it to be some dirt. His eyes locked with hers and the panic in his made her call “Dr. Cullen!”. 

It seemed to only take a breath for the doctor to reach her and she was grateful because in the breath, William had begun to cough blood. Dr. Cullen pulled William into a sittingposition, supporting his back while Bella covered his mouth with a cloth. Quickly she realized that was doing more harm than good as he couldn’t pull in a breath as it was.

“You need to relax, William.” Dr. Cullen’s words didn’t seem to register so Bella took William’s head between her hands, forcing his gaze to lock with hers and repeated Dr. Cullen’s words softly. He seemed to respond slightly but blood was now flowing out his nose and he had no option of breathing; he was choking. Dr. Cullen went to retrieve a small hand held tool but when he put the small tube in William’s nose he muttered, “I can’t see anything.”

Bella was holding the young man’s weight against her while Dr. Cullen went to retrieve more supplies and she felt him go limp against her chest. She gingerly placed his head back on the pillow before she started compressions. She wasn’t sure how long Dr. Cullen was gone but it felt like hours before she felt his cold hand rest on her shoulder. “He’s gone, Isabella.”

She didn’t miss a beat with compressions, shaking her head in dismissal even as Dr. Cullen gently closed William’s eyes. She couldn’t accept it. They hadn’t lost a single patient yet and she wasn’t going to let the first be a young soldier not much older than her. It reminded her too much of her soldier that would be leaving her in mere months.

“Isabella, you should go clean yourself up.”

Her wide eyes locked with his golden ones, taking in a greedy breath. He placed his hands against her forearms and gently pulled her away from William’s body, forcing her towards the backroom. “Go take a minute, dear. I’ll be fine.”

She nodded numbly and tripped her way back to the bathroom in the back. Filling the small sink with water, she glanced at herself and took notice to the spatters of blood on her face. She panicked, ripping her mask from her face and desperately trying to wipe the blood off. She wiped against her pure white uniform, smearing the blood in a sharp contrast to the fabric. She couldn’t seem to get it off fast enough and couldn’t breath. The breaths ripped from her chest and she swore she took off the mask, how come she couldn’t pull a breath in?

Vivian walked in the backroom from the street entrance and glanced in the direction of the noise as soon as she entered. She moved quickly to Bella with a gasp at the sight of her. Vivian turned off the tap that Bella didn’t realize was overflowing and splashing to her feet, grabbing a nearby towel. “Just breathe, sweetheart.”

“He-He was f-fine. Yesterday. He was fine. Then-then the blood. It wouldn’t stop. It didn’t stop. There was so much.” Her voice cracked as Vivian gently wiped the red from her face with the soft cotton. She took in a deep staggering breath and counted the heartbeats she could hear pounding in her chest. She felt the overwhelming need to flee but held back as the older woman finish cleaning her up. 

Vivian tucked a hair behind Bella’s ear for her, holding Bella’s gaze. “Go find yourself a new mask. I’m going to go out and help the doctor. You’re okay. This was your first. It gets better.”

Bella watched her hurry out to make sure Dr. Cullen wasn’t overwhelmed. She let out a few tears now that she was alone. She didn’t want this to get better. She didn’t want this to be her normal. She wanted to help people, not watch them choke on their own-

She stopped the thought and shook it from her brain. Vivian was right, Bella would be okay - because she had to be. There were still plenty of people in the ward that needed her to be okay.

Her, Vivian, and Dr. Cullen worked wordlessly for the rest of the night. They lost three more by the time it was time for the two women to switch out with the other two nurses. Vivian gripped Bella’s arm with a reassuring squeeze before she headed down the sidewalk in her direction home.

Bella took a deep breath in the cool fall air. She had changed her clothes and left the stained uniform in a waste bin in the makeshift hospital. Dr. Cullen had insisted on burning it in case of any leftover virus be in the fabric. She had no problem leaving the physical reminder behind her.

“Hello, beautiful.”

She couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on her face at the sound of his twinkling voice. He swept her up in a hug and she hung onto his neck with a laugh as he twirled her around. Placing her back on her feet, his face dropped slightly as he brushed his thumb against her forehead under a streak of red he saw marring her face. “Are you alright? You have some blood on you.”

“It’s not mine.” She didn’t elaborate further. She didn’t think she could. But she grabbed his arm and started leading him in the direction of home. She asked of his day to try and distract herself and he happily told her in detail of it.

They were speaking of everything and anything when he made the slight mention of his mother starting a cough. Her heart clenched at the words but made a point at hiding her concern. As if reading her mind, he murmured, “Do you think I should take her to the doctor just in case? She’s been in bed all day complaining of body aches.”

She put on a smile, “I’m sure it’s nothing. If it makes you feel better, I can stop by tomorrow before work and visit with her. No need to go in and expose her for something as silly as a cold.”

He seemed appeased and nodded, continuing his story of the day.

* * *

The next morning, Bella was at his doorstep early and he greeted with a soft kiss to her lips that sent her heart soaring. Walking in, she reassured him to play her a song while she visited with Mrs. Masen and she would be back shortly.

She climbed the stairs and as she reached the top, she heard the start of his song filling the house. It warmed her but she quickly got a cold clench in her heart at the sight of Mrs. Masen. She entered her room with a smile nonetheless and Elizabeth returned a tight smile, “He wrote that one for you, dear.”

“He’s quite exceptional,” added Bella.

Mrs. Masen hummed an agreement. “I’ll be glad that he has you once I’m gone.”

“Where are you going?”

Elizabeth laughed but it turned into a bark of a cough so bad that Bella winced at the sound of it. It flowed down the stairs and the piano melody skipped a beat in response. “I like you, Isabella. But don’t pretend you didn’t realize the second you walked in that this isn't going to have a happy ending.”

Instead of answering, Bella walked to her side and felt Elizabeth’s forehead and behind her neck. She was already burning up. Being this close to her, Bella could hear the ragged breath that was obviously painful for Elizabeth to even be attempting to draw in. Mrs. Masen pulled her handkerchief out from under the sheet of her bed and it was hard to miss the blood stained garment as Elizabeth coughed a deep cough into it and wiping her mouth.

“Dr. Cullen is the best we have. He’ll fix you up in no time.”

Elizabeth laughed lightly, “Okay, Isabella. Then let’s not waste any time. Let’s see the amazing doctor.”

Bella could hear the patronizing in Elizabeth’s voice but she still felt better knowing that Dr. Cullen would see her shortly. If yesterday taught her anything, it was that she was way over her head. She wet a cloth and placed it over Elizabeth’s forehead before she made her way down the stairs once more. She readied her face neutral, hearing the bench slide out as he took notice to her footsteps on the stairs. She stopped on the last step, so she could look him in the eye. He was filled with anxiety so she placed her hand against his cheek, which he covered with his own hand. “I think it’s time to call an ambulance.”

* * *

Elizabeth was hustled into the hospital ward and Bella gulped when they placed her in the same bed that young William was occupying just yesterday. Carlisle wasted no time in coming over to introduce himself and get Elizabeth settled in. He shook both her and Edward’s hands but Bella didn’t quite understand the look that Elizabeth gave the doctor when he shook her hand. She seemed perplexed by him and he ducked his head under her scrutiny, instead focusing on Edward. “I’ll take good care of your mother but I’m afraid you’ll have to leave. We aren’t allowing any visitors to try to avoid the spread.”

Edward started to protest but Bella took his hand and reminded him, “I’ll be here with her, Edward. I’ll take good care of her.”

He nodded, overwhelmed but seemed to accept her words. Elizabeth was watching Edward and Bella closely as they seemed to communicate just by looking at each other. She smiled at he son, “It’s fine, my dear. I’ll be home before you know it. A few days.”

Edward kissed his mother on the forehead once and did the same to Bella before he left. Bella changed into a fresh uniform before returning to Mrs. Masen, who closed her eyes as she took Bella’s hand in her own.

“Please tell him that I’m sorry I had to lie.”

* * *

The next few days were rough and while Elizabeth didn’t seem to be getting any better, she wasn’t getting any worse. Bella would spend her shift taking care of everyone but trying to take special care to Mrs. Masen. She would update Edward every night as he walked her home. She tried not to lie to him, instead telling him that recovery took time. They wouldn’t see improvements right away. He seemed to accept this with a bitter pill but tried his best for Bella. 

She was only halfway through her shift when she made her way back to Mrs. Masen but her steps quickened when she saw the unmistakable ruffled bronze hair on a figure hovering over her. Dr. Cullen got there first. “Edward, I’m sorry but-“

Edward collapsed down to his knees and Bella was there before she knew it, supporting his weight as she got down to her knees also. He collapsed against her and she felt the heat radiating from his body. There was a soft “Isabella” whispered before the weight was gone, Dr. Cullen lifting him and placing him on the bed beside his mother. Elizabeth had stood up and was fretting over him, pushing the wet hair from his face. He was drenched in sweat and his eyes were unfocused. How did he even make it here? 

Dr. Cullen was guiding Mrs. Masen back into her bed despite her protests while Bella worked seemingly on auto over Edward. Fresh cold towels were being applied to his forehead and neck, her hands never stopping. Unbuttoning his shirt so she could put a towel in around his chest. She couldn’t stop moving or she would start thinking.

“Isabella.” She ignored Edward’s words and kept moving with a shake of her head. Stopping meant the reality would reach up and strangle her. She already felt like she couldn’t breathe. She pulled her hand up to her throat, feeling the breaths pull in raggedly. Tears blurred her vision but she reached around to her cart to pick up a vial of some medicine to break the fever. There was no other option she would let invade her brain. He was young and he was healthy and he would be going home by the end of the week.

She smiled weakly at him and he wiped a stray tear away from her cheek. Dr. Cullen came over the examine him so Bella moved over to Mrs. Masen only to see her panic mirrored in the older woman. Bella grasped her hand so tight she might break bones but Mrs. Masen only clung back just as hard.

* * *

Bella would go home to get an occasional bath and meal; but her next two days were spent solely at the hospital. Dr. Cullen never questioned her because he didn’t seem to sleep either. Bella understood because the thought of sleeping made her tremble at the sight that would be watching behind her closed eyes. She would drift off every once and a while sitting next to both Masen’s beds but the doctor never woke her. Her and all the other nurses seem to be living in the ward ever since the outbreak exploded and was raging through the city. White scarves filled the city, indicating a sick person inside the home. People wore masks just walking the street. Afraid to even speak to anyone they encountered. 

It was a good thing all 4 nurses seemed to be at the hospital endlessly, as keeping Mrs. Masen in her bed seemed to prove to be a full-time job. She was constantly worrying over Edward and putting her own health at risk to do so. She wasn’t strong enough but she still tried. 

Rounding on her this morning, Bella could tell it was taking a toll. Elizabeth was pulling in breath but just barely and coughing up blood every time she took a breath too deep. She was speaking softly to Dr. Cullen when Bella walked up but Bella didn’t listen as her eyes were stuck on Edward. He hadn’t opened his eyes in 12 hours, all his strength spent. It appeared to be hitting him so much hardly and faster than his mother. She refused to think the thoughts swirling at the edge of her mind. She wouldn't let them blossom into her worst fears.

From behind her, Mrs. Masen was coughing violently and Bella spun around the help Dr. Cullen pull Elizabeth into a sit. It didn’t appear to help at all as she started to gurgle out the words “Help him. In any way you can, Dr. Cullen. In only the way you can!”

The words didn’t make sense to her but Bella watched at the doctor held Mrs. Masen frail body as she passed. She didn’t go as violently as William had so many days ago but every nerve in Bella’s body was numb. She couldn’t feel anything as she walked back to the backroom. She wasn’t sure how she even got there but she made it to the waste bin before she lost her last meal to it. 


End file.
